Life Beyond Shame

After a variety of experiences as an educator, attachment therapist, and author, Connie is fascinated by the mechanisms of humiliation we’ve come to regard as normal. Her point of view is anchored in recognizing and wishing to change her own legacy of shame. She lives on Whidbey Island, Washington.

From the Author

In my contact with various audiences and as a counselor educator, an attachment-oriented therapist, and case consultant to child and family therapists, I believe roughly 95% of American families are all too familiar with the Old Shame Rules and are grateful to have them exposed.

Beyond any other credentials, I’ve lived and learned from personal and professional experiences with shaming rules. I’ll never stop learning about the many ways shame-based rules work and how implementing replacement rules switches out the system to our advantage. I supposes crooked love is better than no love at all, but I ask, “Why settle if I have an option?”

With Jean I. Clarke, I co-authored two books for parents, recovering adults, and therapists. Growing Up Again, first published in 1989, revised in 1998. Growing Up Again was written for people from uneven, shame-based families who wanted to revise the parenting they themselves had received. How Much Is Enough?, published in 2004 with Clarke and David Bredehoft, was expanded and re-published in 2014 as How Much Is Too Much? They are ground-breaking books about the long-term effects of overindulging children.

Connie is an invited member of the Human Dignity and Humiliation Studies Network, an international group addressing the role humiliation plays in conflicts of all kinds. Members of the Network are working worldwide to replace humiliation with dignity in relationships of all kinds.

B.S. University of Minnesota, EducationM.A. St. Mary’s University, Human DevelopmentPh.D. The Union Institute, Counselor Education